I make an effort to cook Punjabi and Malaysian food, because that is a way I feel  connected to those cultures. And so it's a way that I want to let Leosantha [my son] feel connected to them too. 

Growing up, when my dad was feeling homesick we would go out and get Malaysian food, or he would cook a meal at home. Food is a huge part of Malaysian culture with such a unique melting pot of flavors reflecting the multi-ethnicity of the country, so they take their food very seriously and rightly so, it's delicious! Whenever we visit Malaysia, most meals are eaten out. My Dad made sure our Malaysian roots were a big part of our identity growing up, despite not knowing many family members at all. I always felt very proud of our Malaysian culture and roots. My father instilled that pride in us through food. 

We grew up mostly with my mom's family in London, who are Punjabi Sikh but their early childhood was spent in Kenya. We grew up going to the Gurdwara a lot, so I was definitely influenced by Sikhism and that community, as I was exposed to it a bit more regularly. I think I took some of these cultural traditions for granted growing up, because of that. Since having my son however, I've realized his only exposure to this is through me. I am his representation of all these cultures. So connecting him to these by celebrating Diwali, visiting the Gurdwara and eating langar or getting him used to the extensive flavors of Malaysian cuisine have become more important to me than ever before.

When my mum passed away. That really made me pause and reflect on life. It sounds crazy (and it is) but I had a dream that she passed away a few days before she did. I remember feeling like this dream was so real. So I told my mum, who just paused and said "I think I am having a rebirth".

It's something I reflect on often, as it reminds me how there is so much more to life than we even realize. The fact I dreamt of her passing before it happened has proved to be such a significant event in life, because it exposed me to a more spiritual path and reminded me that these material things, these toxic people and this ego we all have that I had surrounded myself with for so long, especially working in the fashion industry, weren't important at all.

When she did pass away, we did a lot of Sikh prayers in the house. I think when I was in this grief, this deep grief, Sikh Kirtan proved to be quite meditative to me. Listening to the tabla, harmonium and Gyani's voices were very healing to me during this time and now, make me feel closer to my mum. They evoke quite an emotional response from me these days.

My mum had so much warmth, love and empathy. She also had a sensitivity and emotional intelligence to help me and my brother navigate life. Sometimes when I talk to my son now, I hear my mum in my own voice which is both wild, but also reassuring. Like I must be channeling her somehow.

Creating Art has always been a very visceral process for me. It's whatever feels good to me in that moment, which leads the process. When you study Art History, you're dissecting these paintings and then you're looking at the artist's history and cultural context to form an opinion. But when you think about it, when the Artist is painting, they're unaware of these influences. They are just painting from a personal emotional place. I think I'm navigating this new approach to work and reminding myself that the most important thing is for me to creatively express what's inside and what my gut and heart have to say.

I always end up painting women, which was never originally a purposeful thing. As a teenager, I did a lot of life drawing classes and I think that's where my love of the form came from. I just remember thinking, aesthetically, women's bodies are incredibly beautiful. And then to draw the curvature of a woman's body is very satisfying. There was so much curvature in the positions, these life models created and finding that on paper was always something I really enjoyed and thrived in. I think that probably set up this journey for me.

It's also been very interesting to explore nudity, and women's bodies. Obviously being South Asian, I come from a community where you were taught to be modest, and cover up. That's how I was brought up. But then similarly, I grew up in London, and we were in Spain every summer lying on a beach where many women were topless and I was also told that was freeing and beautiful. It was very much this juxtaposition, where culturally, at home in front of your grandparents, you had to cover up. But then, when we were vacationing in Europe, we were taught that this is beautiful and accepted. 

Speaking about my culture has always felt natural and relevant to my paintings, because my background has obviously played such an integral part to my life. I also wasn't exposed to many South Asian contemporary artists, other than the likes of Anish Kapoor growing up, especially not women artists. So becoming that representation I didn't have is very important to me now.

I think there is beauty and confidence in seeing a South Asian woman's body on a canvas. Actually my first ever oil paintings using color were a series of 3 'nude selfies' which were figurative self portraits against a plain white canvas background. It was very intentional. I just wanted to paint my brown body. Just that. Yes it was a take on the idea of nude selfies, but the focus on the torso was deliberate. I wanted it to be unapologetic, not sexualized, beautiful, strong, large and very visual. I think these are still my favorite to this day.

Since then, my work has definitely evolved. I moved from NYC to LA and I have been exposed to so much exoticism of our culture within consumer branding and culture. Everyone is saging and lighting their designer incense. It's both infuriating but I am also 100% guilty of this too. For me having a career in Fashion, followed by more interest in spirituality after the passing of my mother, then becoming a mother myself and relying on some of these luxuries to make my life easier (like a $10 coffee) has meant I am just as much a part of this culture I take the piss out of. So there is more satire playing out, with still a very strong sense of self love in the self portraiture at the heart of the work.

I've gained a newfound confidence when I became  a mother and I think that's transpired into my art as well. It had solidified in me. That's what I love. That IS my identity. I've become more comfortable and confident labeling myself as an artist. Funnily enough I think that comes before being a mother, a wife, a daughter or a friend. I'm always going to be those other labels and I'm so happy to be them. But when I'm thinking about who I am from my heart, identifying as an artist speaks most true.

We are absolutely honored to be able to share Shivy’s story with you. To see her art you can find her on Instagram at @shivy.studio.